can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
