people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
