Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
