Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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