i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Dear god my vagina.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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