The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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