nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
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