I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
