Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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