Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
