After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
