wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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