i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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