textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Randomize
