Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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