omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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