hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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