I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
