i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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