Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
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