Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
