im gay
i know
yea but for you.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
