glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
