Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
