I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize