Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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