Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
you never un-have a 4some
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
