I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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