Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
