i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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