Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
