My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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