I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
