How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I looked at my own cervix.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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