i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
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