she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
