Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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