Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
