i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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