The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
