You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
