i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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