i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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