We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
