so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
