a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
