hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
