I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Just cropdusted the office
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize