SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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