Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
