Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
