Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
