Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
