I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
