I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Threesome in a minivan. New low
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
