I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
