I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
