Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
