We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
