i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
