Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
