I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
