To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
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