Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
