the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
