why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
