Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Randomize
