forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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