I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
