I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
