so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
