I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
